Homunculi confessions 101
by Blunt shards of glass
Summary: So the only way the homunculi would get out of this was if one of them confessed, kind of like mercy. You know mercy? That random game where you twist someone's arm, and the first one to beg for mercy loses.
1. Chapter 1

So the only way the homunculi would get out of this was if one of them confessed, kind of like mercy. You know mercy? That random game where you twist someone's arm, and the first one to beg for mercy loses.

**I'm actually writing two stories at once which I really shouldn't be doing. But I couldn't really help it, I thought it would be funny to write this and so I did it. Besides this one won't have like 30 chapters. But there is no way I'm giving up on my other story; I'm just having trouble coming up with something. I went over sea's to meet fourteen of my cousins, and brought my book I write fanfic's in with me. But every time I was writing they kept asking if it was a diary. It was pretty annoying! **

**Rated T because I'm scared and because of some little colourful language. **

**CONTAINS SPOILERS!**

**So turn back now if you haven't watched all of brotherhood yet!**

**I apologise for any bad punctuation, I'm working on it!**

**I do not own Fullmetal alchemist or Fullmetal alchemist brotherhood**

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**Chapter 1**

**Punishment revealed**

**Envy's POV**

So here we are waiting in a lounge room in Central command, not the most ideal place for us homunculi, but hey at least they had sofas, right? Finally something that wasn't as hard as father's lair.

Sleeping on the floor underneath father wasn't at all comfortable, unlike a pillow where your face sinks in; gravity forces your check bone to slam into the hard concrete floor, not to mention it felt as cold as an icepack. I looked up at wrath who was leaning against the wall polishing his sword out of what seemed to be pure boredom, I can't really say I blame the guy after all the colonel and the Fullmetal pipsqueak were taking their time, not to say that it seemed purposely done. I wasn't one bit curious on what they were planning for us, but there was no doubt that it was going to be anything but torture in hell, after all it was a punishment. I started a war so what? It's not like pipsqueak was affected or anything. But I can kind of understand why the colonel hates me so much for killing….._What was his name again? Maes Hughes or something. _Anyway it was the guys own fault for sticking his nose into something that was none of his bee's wax. If he just laid low like all the other good humans in the military perhaps maybe I wouldn't of have had to kill him. But seriously the colonel has to learn how to control his anger and not to take it out on other people, gee.

But something tells me that he was going to give me more hell than anyone here, besides Fullmetal of course.

**Wrath's POV**

I found it quite funny that we weren't being punished for almost destroying Amestriss but rather because the other five threw a wild party at my mansion while I was gone on a business trip. The colonel didn't mind any of this until someone parked his car into the pool! Who did it I don't know, but now the colonel is going to give hell to all seven of us until someone confesses. I suppose it was one way to make the culprit talk.

I looked down at the outstretched Envy on the couch who was actually taking our punishment into consideration. It fascinated me to no end, but of course I wasn't at all shocked by his odd behaviour, as I said I was only fascinated. Edward Elric and the colonel sure were taking an awful amount of time just to figure out what they wanted to do with us. I'm not quite sure how they got us back from the gate, but whatever they did wasn't there a toll? Something just didn't add up here, how was it even possible? Why would they even want us back? Weren't we better off dead to the rest of Amestriss? I silently watched Gluttony rocking himself in a sitting position on the floor. All he was doing was putting his finger in his mouth, that was starting to irritate me, but what else did I expect of my mindless brother. I could see was Pride, who was peacefully sleeping on the couch beside me. His body was stretched out, and there were no vast movements from his shadows that were laid out on the ground, some slipping off the sofa. My eyes searched for Greed who wasn't in sight...

_Where has he ran off to now?_

**Greelings POV**

I was sitting there a while, but it got so boring I had to leave the lounge room, besides I needed the bathroom, so I managed to slip away from the others without them noticing. After locating the men's logo on the bathroom door I walked in, the restroom was surprisingly clean for a military.

*** Inside thought ***

**Ling: **You know Greed this is Central command?

**Greed: **Yeah, whatever. Can you stop popping up like that, I always end up talking out loud when you do. Hey..., Ling?

No answer...

I shrugged.

The white floor and the sinks sparkled with glee, I walked into one of the toilet cubicle's and unzipped my pants to do my business, and yes...I shut the door! I began to get that greedy sensation again, on how much I wanted Alphonse's Elric's body, if I had that I wouldn't of had to eat, sleep or go to the bath room. Unfortunately it was too late for me to get an advanced body of armour like that, Alphonse had already retrieved his real body from the gate.

**Pride's POV**

I felt so prideful the way I looked down on those pathetic humans, they were so easy to manipulate. I snuggled into the sofa's softness, allowing myself to slouch for the first time in what seemed to feel like 100 years. I allowed my self to stretch out my child like container onto the red soft couch, letting my eyes softly shut I dreamed of something that would pass time of worthless waiting. A white blur covered my vision as I saw Greed walk out the room, where did he think he was going? He had a lot of guts to ditch us! But in truth I couldn't have really cared, I should have been used to him leaving us like that by now. But all my thoughts vanished as the white fog covered my view completely.

*** Inside the Colonels office ***

_1 hour and 35 minuets ago..._

**Edward's POV**

I was an alchemist not a detective!

How did the colonel expect me to force information out of the homunculi, who were sitting in the lounge room doing whatever. (could we even trust them to sit there and not run off?) I didn't care about them or his stupid car, I mean it was just a car, right? Couldn't he just buy another one? Or better transmute one? I closed the door behind me as my so called 'superior' told me to sit down. I was about to gesture against me helping him but I did want to see the homunculi suffer!

So I said nothing as I took a seat across from the table, just sighing from the stupidity of this whole confession game. In some way it was like a game to the person watching, and to the contestants a game of hell. So the only way the homunculi would get out of this was if one of them confessed, kind of like mercy. You know mercy? That random game where you twist someone's arm, and the first one to beg for mercy loses. Alright, fine, maybe it's not all that stupid...I only seem to think that because Al was the one who always won.

"Fullmetal?" The colonel said, trying to get my attention. "Yeah?" I replied dully.

"What's your status on you're work so far?" I sighed, "This question again?" I asked annoyed, he nodded seriously. "Look, I can't get any information out of them yet colonel, they wont say anything, apart from telling me how short I am!" I said fiercely as I was sick of this question and sick of interrogating the homunculi. It was always the same result, this was starting to get ridiculous. "You know what you should have done?" The colonel asked me, "What? Offer Gluttony cookies to spill out the chocolate chips?" I replied annoyed at the colonels expectation of me. "No, you could have done anything but that! To get information out of a homunculus you have to put pressure on them, push them to they're limits until they repent!" I scowled, "Oh yeah, how exactly am I going to do that!" I yelled from across the table. "Why, that's why were here, we need to discuss what they're first test of endurance will be, and when the culprit is ready to confess, we'll be there witnessing every single thing they say." I was quite surprised on how seriously the colonel was actually taking this. It was just a car, why go through so much trouble for a scrap piece of metal with some kind of turbo engine? "And besides...this could be entertaining, don't you think Edward?" We'll this was a first, despite him calling me by my first name, he lightened his furious mood towards the unknown culprit.

"Alright, I'm listening," I said smiling, maybe this could be of some fun.

**Gluttony's POV**

_I'm so hungry_…..

*Stomach growls*

"Lust, I'm hungry….can I eat Roy Mustang?"

(Lust pats his head)

"No Gluttony, not today"

**Lust's POV**

Envy still doesn't believe were here because of a stupid car that ended up in the bottom of a pool, he thinks it's because of the 'promise day.' Sometimes I really do think that Envy's afraid of Roy Mustang, I heard that he almost got killed the same way I did...but in the worst way possible, he almost got squished under his feet in his true form too. How humiliating, I almost feel sorry for him. A large rumble interrupted my thoughts.

"Lust, I'm hungry...can I eat Roy Mustang?" Gluttony looked up at me hungrier than ever. I patted his head, "No gluttony, not today." I replied to his request, he sighed and went back to sticking his finger in his mouth. I wondered if he would ever drop that habit.

_1hour and 35 minuets later..._

**Normal POV**

As all the homunculi lazed around in boredom, all they're waiting was corrupted when Edward swung the door open, smirking as he did. After Ed walked out, happily giving his arm's a stretch the colonel came out and shut the door to his office with his fingertips, not dare looking back. "Where's Greed?" the colonel asked looking at Lust.

"Who knows," she answered back in her normal calm-full voice. "Yeah, yeah, I'm here," Greed said as he walked through the door. "Where's Pride?" Ed asked, all the others in the room pointed to the couch were Pride was peacefully sleeping. "Can you wake him up?" the colonel asked expecting them to do so, "Wake up Pride?" Greed asked shocked at the colonels request. "Isn't that what I said?"

"I'm not doing that again!" Envy exclaimed. Lust smirked, "Oh, that's right, last time you did that didn't he kill you three or four times for waking him up in a foul mode?"

All Envy could do was nod.

"All in favour of nominating Wrath to wake pride up say 'philosopher stone'!" Greed announced mockingly. The other five looked at him dully, "What's with those faces?" Greed asked already knowing the answer. "Greed does have a point though, the one closest to Pride would be you Wrath, I highly doubt that he would try to kill you?" Lust said while facing Wrath, who nodded to the idea of waking up his older brother.

Wrath slowly walked up to Pride and shook him slightly, urging him to get up. Pride's eyes immediately fluttered open, his shadows immediately active afterwards. Prides shadows were aimed at Wrath...

But he immediately withdrew them after realising who it was.

"Wrath?" Pride asked confused in his metallic voice, slowly he lifted himself of his sleeping position using his arms and then sat in an up-right position rubbing his eyes.

"Yes, it's me Pride, sorry to wake you up" Wrath apologised solemnly. "No it's quite alright Wrath, I just thought you were Greed," Pride explained through his yawning.

"Fullmetal would you like to do the honours?" the colonel asked, Edward sighed "Okay..."

All the homunculi except Sloth braced themselves for the given punishment.

"Alright we've finally come to the decision that you guys will be going...

**Edward's POV**

"Alright we've finally come to the decision that you guys will be going...

**CAMPING!**"

"CAMPING!" they all yelled in unison

"What the hell is camping?" Envy asked self-concisely

"You don't know what camping is Envy, oh that's so sad", I made my voice sound sarcastic at the end of my sentence just to annoy him; it's kind of what I do with the colonel. But seriously Envy didn't know what camping was, he should really get out more. I was about to introduce Envy to the familiarism of camping when Greeling butted in "You don't know what camping is?" He yelled out, Envy scowled "Hell no I don't, so what?" he replied. "I wasn't talking to you I was talking to Ling," everybody starred at Greed as if he was mental, dis-cluding the colonel and I of course, this didn't at all come as a surprise to us. This continued until Greeling spoke up again. "Hang on if you're gonna give me hell, you know you're doing it to the Prince of Xing as well, right," a mocking smile spread across my face. "Yeah I know, this is payback for the bill of food during the series."

_11 minuets after the dramatic trauma..._

**Colonels POV**

We meet back here tomorrow morning 5:30 sharp! No excuses for being late, that includes you Fullmetal" Fullmetal looked like he was about to blow another fuse, everyone got prepared for what was going to happen next. Nothing happened...actually he looked kind of depressed, what was up with that? It scared me a little. Trying to break the tension I spoke up, but I didn't try to sound worried "is something wrong with that time Fullmetal," he wasn't at all paying any attention to his superior, instead he was staring at the ground with wide eyes. Envy waved his hand in front of his face "Amestriss to pipsqueak." Edward blinked a few times slowly coming back to reality "Huh..." What's the matter pipsqueak is there something you have to take care of...or maybe someone?" Edward scowled and turned his face away from the others and glanced through the window with his arms crossed, "N-no, I don't know what you're talking about," a soft smile appeared on his face "well there was something important, but I think that can wait." Everyone was rather confused with Edward's strange behaviour, but he soon came back.

"But why the hell do I have to come so early?" I slowly rubbed my chin and closed my eyes for a few seconds, _he did have a good point...I suppose I could change the time for him a little. _"Alright then Fullmetal, I suppose I can make an exception just this once, you can come at 5 am," Edward nodded approvingly he opened the door to leave and then...

"**WHAT 5AM!?"**

I'm surprised it took him that long to figure it out, but yes 30 minutes earlier than planned, I had my reasons.

No longer listening to Fullmetal's rampage in the background I began to finish what I started "As I was saying, no excuses for being late, is that understood" Envy lazily put his feet up on the coffee table "Oh, and what if we don't?" he asked in a mocking tune. I looked down at him with a straight face "Those who come late will be forced to wear miniskirts." Lust and pride collapsed on the floor laughing with tears in their eyes. "What's so funny?" They tried to explain through gasps of breaths, finally they calmed down enough to tell me. "Did you really think this through?, not everyone here looks good in a miniskirt," Lust stated still laughing a bit, no longer than a second later Pride began to finish of her sentence

"Especially Gluttony, sloth and...*snickers*...Wrath!"

They cracked up one more time but this time along with Greed. Edward and Envy. I looked at the other three who didn't find it so funny; Gluttony stuck his finger in his mouth for the nineteenth time today and looked at them confused. Sloth was sleeping in the corner and Wrath was glaring at them, but mostly at Pride, no doubt he was going to murder him after this. I hate to think this but they were right. Wrath in a miniskirt..., a cold shiver ran up my spine that was just disturbing. "You can stop laughing now," I announced, but they carried on, well if there was one way to stop them it would be this...

"Those who laugh in the next 5 seconds will miraculously be wearing a miniskirt!"

Well that shut them up! "So, are we clear on what we have to do?" they all nodded "good, and remember don't be late."

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**Okay, sorry if this was like 78% Ooc, how was it going to be funny if I didn't?**

**^^;**

**I was trying to spread the POV's equally but it turned out harder than in thought. But I can promise you this, there is going to be more of Envy, Greed and Lust in the next chapter. I'm still trying to decide which homunculi ditched the Colonels car into the pool, it's strange how I haven't thought of it until now.**

**Hahahaha, anyway I've already started typing up the next chapter**

**'Packing for hell'**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey, I'm so sorry about being late with this chapter, I kind of ran into some trouble. You see I already wrote five pages on Lust and Envy when I lost them!**

**I know right, how could I have lost that?**

**I remembered what I wrote down, just not all the detail I put into it, and how I worked hard! So the core bit of this chapter didn't work out how I wanted it to exactly. But hey, I typed it right? **

**I just want to quickly thank the two people who favourite my story. It's just never happened to me before. So you guys are the first, thanks.**

**I feel like I'm forgetting something..., oh right!**

**I do not own Fullmetal alchemist or Fullmetal alchemist brotherhood!**

**Anyway, here's chapter 2**

**Enjoy :)**

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**Chapter 2**

**Packing for hell**

-The Bradley family mansion-

**Prides POV**

*8:30pm*

"Selim it's time to go to bed" I looked up from my drawing of our family. _Is it that time already? I haven't even packed..., I have to resist bed time somehow._

"B-but I'm not *yawn* tired," _shoot I did it again! _Wrath's wife picked me up as I tried to protest in a childish voice that it was the school holidays. But of course she didn't listen to me, she kept on going about the time I woke up late and missed my piano lessons. It's just piano lessons who cares about piano lessons, I didn't even want to have 'piano lessons' I only took them to make her happy and also because it's a part of my act. I gave up and snuggled into her shoulder and let sleep take me.

Wrath could always pack for me, right?

**The colonels POV**

I put my feet up on the desk, it may have looked like I was slacking again, but I was mentally straining my brain, the things Lust and Pride said echoed in my head, followed by laughter.

_Was it a possibility...that Wrath c-could come late?_

I shock that thought out of my head, I should really re-think the way I plan things!

I need someone who could help me...?

No, I already have Fullmetal on a full investigation (Even though the progress needs to be improved)

Someone who will stay by my side! My train of thought raced into a dark tunnel, when then my office door creaked open.

"**HAWKEYE!**" I yelled flinging my hands up in the air.

She was holding a pile of paper work with both hands as she gave me a look of confusion at my dramatic enthusiasm. But then she gave me that look; the one where she thinks I'm being stupid! Taking my legs off the desk I leaned back in my chair, soon after my swift movement she slammed the pile of white documents onto my table. "Yes, colonel?" She dully asked me.

**Wrath's POV**

I finish my job at 11:26 pm which means I'll have approximately 5 hours to pack, that should leave plenty of time besides sleep, and just enough time to kill that basted a few times. Me in a mini skirt how ridiculous! Usually I would have respect for my eldest brother, but he just had to mention me didn't he. But it's not like I could kill him in front of my wife, she still doesn't know who we really are or that were going camping. I began to write my sixth report today, I was under constant guard but I was still the fuhrer of Amestris, I don't understand my position in the military any more, fuhrer felt like a less high up rank then it did before, maybe that was because I was being watched. It wasn't hard to become fuhrer again I won the election because Grumman died of a heart attack, and Amestris is still a republic. So the only reason on why I have to listen to that jerk of a colonel is because I'm running the risk of getting too close to the camp-fire if you get what I'm saying! Just then the colonel bursted through the doors "don't be late!" He randomly slammed the door's shut, knocking the next time, I rolled my eyes, "You may enter."

"I just thought you'd like to know you're Excellency, that Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye will be joining us on our exhibition.

I was walking past Prides room when he called me over. "Look whose bedtime it is, by the way the lieutenant is coming along for the trip," I said as I opened the door, my voice dropped, "Yes?"

All he could manage was a 'really?' and "Can you pack for me?"

"What exactly do you want me pack?"

"You know clothes, pyjamas, toothbrush, bedtime stories etc." Pride buried his head under his pillow and sighed. "Is something bothering you Pride?" I asked numbly, "Well, it's just that Roy Mustang never actually said how long we would be gone for"

"I suppose he didn't, Pride?"

"Pride?"

"Pride?"

*No answer*

…... "Pride?"

I walked into his room and closed the door only leaving a beam of light. I slowly sat on his bed and watched the blanket go up and down to the pattern of his breathing. I grabbed his shoulders and softly shook him, "Pride?" I asked while shaking. I listened for a reply, but he only groaned a little and shifted his body into another sleeping position. Apart from that I only heard his soft breathing from under the white pillow, I sighed, he falls asleep real fast! But this was my chance, the only time he let's his guard down.

I slowly stood up and faced my sleeping brother and withdrew my sword, "I apologize if this hurts…..Pride," I lifted my sword into the air, I was about to strike him with my sharp blade when my wife walked in to the room. But it was too late for me to slide my sword back in since she had already seen it!

"King...w-what were you going to do to our Selim?" I blinked, slowly retaking a normal position and facing the tip of the sword to the carpet floor. "Now Lenore, it's not what it looks like," I said calmly, "Then what were you going to do?" She asked me with ghostly eyes. I may have been fast in the past with my physical skills, (apart from now) but my mental ability shut down on me! I had no excuse to tell my wife. "Well...," I scratched the back of my head to give me more time to think and because it was kind of natural to do when you got caught. "Well, what?" She asked impatiently, "I was playing a prank on our dear boy!" I patted the white pillow on top of his head in the result of him snoring, I gave my wife a smile. Just to show that everything would be alright and that it was just a mere prank on the child. She looked at me unsatisfied with my answer. But her facial expression changed dramatically to a soft smile. "King, you know there's a difference between a harmless prank and pushing it too far?" I nodded seriously, "I suppose I did take it a little too far," I admitted still smiling. She smiled I felt so relieved that she was no longer worried, I really didn't like to see my wife upset. I slid my sword back into its sheath, I put my arm around her shoulder. As we walked out of the room, I began to talk about a tea bag collection at an auction. My wife really did enjoy drinking tea...

I may have lost a good opportunity to taking my wrath out on Pride, but when one door closes another one opens..., and by that I meant packing!

**Lust's POV**

"Gluttony...dinners ready" I called out lazily, he came in running at the sound of my voice and at the word 'dinner.' I turned around to the hot pot of soup on the stove, "it's only pumpkin soup tonight, is that alright with you Gluttony?"

I put some mittens on and lifted it off the stove, then carefully placed it on the table across from the impatient Gluttony. He replied to my question by eagerly nodding, however I knew this wasn't going to fill that endless stomach of his, just one of the reasons I put a lock on the fridge..., just in case he decided to have a midnight snack! As Gluttony put a fat finger in his mouth he watched the steam from the pot rise up and evaporate into thin air. I sighed out of pure boredom.

So there we were peacefully eating, nothing could be heard in the room apart from the loud pouring of the rain and Gluttony's chewing. I pushed my spoon into the orange like soup as I fiddled around with the human food. I felt intrigued as Gluttony tried to eat normally, he would grab four buns to begin with, but when he thought I wasn't looking he would take double the amount. Before I could even taste my own homemade soup, a harsh knock echoed down the hallway and into the kitchen.

I slowly turned around and glared at the door for interrupting our dinner, I got out of my chair and began walking towards the door. I slowly opened the door, revealing a soaking wet Envy who was trying to shield himself from the rain using a brown suitcase. I smirked as I leaned against the door frame, "Why hello Envy, what an unexpected surprise," he groaned at the sound of my voice. "I need a room for the night," he mumbled looking away from my face. I knew he was already in a state of embarrassment but I wanted to push him even further. "Oh, what happened to the hotel you were staying in?" He rolled his eyes pretending that him coming over was a usual thing "Yeah, yeah, I got kicked out! Just let me in already," he took a step forward but I blocked his path and pushed him out into the rain. "Not like that you aren't, wait here," I said pulling out a towel from a nearby cupboard, I chucked the fluffy pink towel at him.

"You're kidding, right?" he asked, I smiled, "you're not going to let me in until I do this are you?" I sheepishly smirked, and that immediately answered his question. Envy grunted as he put his suitcase down and began wiping himself down, he started on his hair, wiping the green strands down as he did, he then moved on to the rest of his body until he got down onto his legs that lead down unto his feet, that he carefully wiped. "There I did it!" I smirked "Aren't you forgetting something?" He dully looked at me then huffed, "Fine, can I please come in?" he mumbled blushing. I chuckled, "I meant wipe down that hideous suitcase of yours," Envy cheeks turned red at he's grave mistake. He angrily mumbled something as he bent down in my presence. I watched him wipe the droplets of water off his suitcase.

He threw the towel at me that I caught with my extended nails, the pink towel tore. "That was my favourite towel," I pouted. But he just scoffed not caring about a stupid towel, despite the fact that it was the towel he used to wipe himself down with.

I knew I shouldn't have used that one, but it couldn't have been helped, the others were in the washing machine!

Envy walked in after me, I could hear that suitcase of his rub against the white tile floor as he dragged it behind him.

**Normal POV**

"So this is you're room, huh?" Envy randomly asked me, I smiled. I was doing that a lot lately. "Oh, if the answers so obvious where do you think you'll be sleeping?" Envy scowled, and of course I did have a place for Envy to sleep. "Oh, and where would that be?" he mockingly asked. I smirked and chuckled slightly, "I suppose I'll have to let you sleep...on the couch!," surprisingly he couldn't tell if I was joking or not but he couldn't have cared less.

**Lust's POV**

The next thing we knew we were all sitting down eating.

"So you going to tell me?" Envy stopped eating, "Tell you what?" he asked curiously. "You know?...How you got kicked out of a hotel," Envy groaned as he gulped down another spoon of warm soup. "I thought wiping myself down was enough to stay for a night?" He asked not wanting to think about It, Lust could only let out a small 'hmmf' and then she continued on "It was, but I'm still curious...how could someone get themselves kicked out of a hotel?" Envy sipped some more soup off the spoon. Lust spoke up again, this time to provoke him, "we're you're footsteps all that heavy?" Envy almost chocked on the slick soup, his teeth gritted together. Envy baled his hands into fists

**"It was all Greed's fault!"**

_'Knock, knock'_

Everyone turned their head towards the door. Lust sighed and got up from her chair "I'll be back,"

**Normal POV**

"S-sorry, to bother you m-mam, but have you seen a dog? It's around 30cm's tall, has a blue collar around its neck and its name is 'Roy'." Lust snickered, the young man looked up...

_Roy...?_

"Oh, I'm sorry, it's just that I know someone with that name" She said.

"Oh no that's okay, but did anyone mention you had b-beautiful eyes?" He soon got out of his trance, "B-but if you ever see him, here's m-y phone number," he took out a small piece of paper and started writing down numbers, his hand shaking as he did. Lust rolled her eyes, she was sick of phone numbers especially ones from guys.

He dropped the pen a couple of times before handing over the piece of paper, Lust took it with glee. "I will," she replied then shut the door. She walked back into the kitchen, scrunched it up and tossed it in the bin. Envy watched her do all this, up until she took her seat. "What was that all about?" Envy asked still eating, "nothing really, but Gluttony please be honest." Gluttony looked up from his plate, a bun still hanging out of his mouth, "Yes, Lust?" He asked still chewing, "Did you eat the neighbour's dog?"

The two watched Gluttony chewing get slower... "It was just a little snack!"

Once the two were somewhere else, Envy snuck out the piece of paper out of the bin and un scrunched it "A phone number?" He mumbled to himself. Envy held it in his hand as he walked away, he seemed to think it was some sort of advantage . But who could blame him after all he was a shape shifter.

**Wraths POV**

I had almost finished packing Prides case, just a few more things

Now what did Pride want me to pack again? I tried to rephrase his words

_'You know clothes, pyjamas, toothbrush, bedtime stories etc.'_

Ah, that's right, the one thing I forgot, bedtime stories. I walked up to a book-self trying to find one. I reached over to get 'The ugly duckling' but my focus was turned to another book.

'Twelve horror stories that will scare the philosopher out of you.'

So I grabbed that one instead, I couldn't wait to see his face

"Perfect!" I said happily as I slipped it into the rest of his belongings.

**Envy's POV**

It seems that Lust wasn't joking! Tonight I sleep on the coach, but I was fine with that. Man Amestris was hot this season, why do we have to be so close to the damn dessert! I groaned as I switched off the light, I tried to walk myself back to the couch in the dark, I thought I was going tot trip over something, but I ended up tripping over my own feet. I didn't think I was this Useless in the dark! I finally made my way to my 'lovely sleeping quarters,' I slipped under the covers slowly shutting my eyelids. But like the princess and the pea something clearly didn't feel right, I could feel this strange dent in the couch, just one of the things Lust didn't tell me about. She also didn't tell me where Gluttony was sleeping.

*2am*

I had finally woken up, but I was too early. My back felt really messed up as I rolled off the couch and onto the floor. I knew it was a stupid way to get up, but I didn't want to strain my poor back any further. I slowly got up, Yes, I had a philosopher stone and that meant we couldn't age nor die, (in most cases) apart from Wrath. But for the first time in my life, I felt old! "Stupid couch!" I said trying to straighten out my back. I knew I shouldn't have gone here! Why didn't I go to Wraths place? I hate to admit it but I'd rather stay with the colonel than here. My eyes still felt tired and I couldn't get them to wake up, so I walked to the bathroom still rubbing my eyes. I left the door open and let the tap run as I washed my face in the cool water. It was only when I lifted my head up that I saw Gluttony sleeping in the bathtub through the mirror! "Well this explains the dent in the couch, Gluttony must have been the previous sleeper of the couch." I mumbled not wanting to wake him up. I walked out humming to myself for no apparent reason, I was still tired but at least my eyes were still working. My stomach grumbled, I blushed; it sounded like Gluttony's stomach! I thought about what lust might cook for breakfast but memories from last night came back. The soup was good but Lust kept asking me about how I got kicked out of a hotel. I began to wonder if she'd ask me the same question at breakfast. I wouldn't take any chances, so I fled.

I carried my suit-case down the street, it was still early morning but that was a good thing since not many people were out. But as I turned the corner I bumped into someone…... sadly that person was Greed!

**Normal POV**

"Alright, 20 more minutes until half-past five!" Mustang announced, Ed squinted his tired eye's around the room, "Hey, where's Greed and Envy?" He asked curiously, Lust shut her eye's and spoke coolly, "He was awake before me, 3am to be precise, but I haven't seen him since...*huff*..., can you believe he didn't even have the gratitude to even mumble a little thank-you before leaving?" No one replied to her question or talked for the next 2 minutes, until the colonel broke the silence. "What's taking them so long? I only brought one mini skirt with me!" Roy huffed, Ed rolled his eyes.

Greed and Envy raced down the street with only 20 minutes to spare. "When this is all over, I'm going to MURDER YOU GREED!" Envy yelled still taking large gasps of breath. Greed laughed, which drained his lungs out even more, but he thought it was worth it, "I wonder how you're gonna do that..., squish me?" He taunted. Envy's now blood shot eyes were proof enough that he was angry, as he jumped on him and slammed him into the tarmac road. A little whimper escaped Greed's lips as he wasn't fast enough to put up his ultimate shield! But Envy wouldn't have heard it as he was fully concentrating on beating-up his younger brother. Greed soon pulled himself together after the shock of Envy jumping on him, he could still feel his heavy brother on his spinal cord which soon gave out a 'crack.' Red sparks appeared mending his broken back. "Man you're heavy!" Greed screeched out in pain. Greed wished he could take that back, but he knew that wouldn't change anything. Envy twisted his arm backwards, but before he could do any serious damage Greed's shield was up and running, they both knew this wasn't going to end up pretty.

_- Several minutes later-_

Everyone watched the clock as it ticked down the remaining seconds

_5..._

_Envy and Greed rammed each other into the walls as they sprinted down the hallways of Central command_

_4..._

_Envy slipped on a step while going up a stair case_

_3..._

_Greed took advantage of his fall, grabbing his leg he swung him down the stairs and into the wall_

_2..._

_Envy caught up to greed and slammed him against the wall attempting to choke him_

_1..._

_Greed's hand turned into carbon..._

Envy and Greed burst through the doors falling to the ground in breathless gasps.

They looked up at Mustang as he shook his head "My, my, look who's late"

The two frowned as they got up "Where not! We just made it" Envy complained. "Well unfortunately for you guys, that clock is advanced by three minutes.

"You've got to be kidding me!" Greed exclaimed.

"Alright, guess the number I'm thinking of..., the one who gets the closest doesn't have to wear it."

* * *

**I apologize to all those dog lovers out there or those who have a dog. I just thought it would have been funny if he could eat every other dog, but was scared to eat black-hayate. (Actually, I sound cruel now)**

**Okay, I don't know why I have a normal POV, but I'm going with it anyways. And yes, Wrath is still the fuhrer, I just didn't like the feeling of things changing. I just realized that I accidently left the summary up on chapter 1, I was supposed to get rid of it after I pasted it in. Also, what happened at the hotel will be explained in a later chapter.**

**And if you guys have any ideas on what the homunculi could do while they're camping please do throw them at me. (And if I do end up using anyone's idea's all credits of that idea goes to them)**

**So who gets the mini skirt? It'll all be revealed in the next chapter!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys, thanks for the reviews. I actually began writing this story before I up-dated chapter two, so hehehehe. Maybe I should have asked that 'please throw some ideas at me' on this chapter, but I'll try to squeeze some things in from one of the reviews…no actually, I have a brilliant idea. I'll use that request in a later chapter, so 'Not so human' thanks for the idea. It actually kind of works with my storyline.**

**Anyways just put in mind that I'm still trying to work my way around fan fiction (I still can't find some of the buttons) But the school holidays are here so it's going to be easier to write without the worries of an upcoming exam (I know I failed my science exam, I'm not good with chemistry only biology. So sorry Edward)**

** Please excuse my grammar and punctuation! **

**I hope you enjoy this chapter, they finally go camping….right after Greed and Envy pick a number!**

**I do not own Fullmetal alchemist or Fullmetal alchemist brotherhood**

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**Chapter 3**

** Transportation of a transmutation circle**

**Normal POV**

"Alright, guess the number I'm thinking of…...whoever gets the closest doesn't have to wear it." Greed and Envy along with the rest of the homunculi exchanged glances. "Okay, who's up first?" the colonel asked

*No answer*

"…Greed, thanks for volunteering!" Greed rolled his eyes as he thought of a number

'Hang on…..is this on a scale of one to ten or what?" he asked. Roy let out a little 'tisk' "No, it's more like on a scale of one to one-hundred," He uttered coolly, "what!" The two miniskirt victims cried out. The others in the background chuckled, "what? How do you expect us to guess a number between that?" Envy exclaimed, "Just hurry up and pick a number already!" Ed groaned.

**_Ling:_**_ Hey Greed, make sure you don't lose!_

**_Greed:_**_ When did you start caring?_

**_Ling:_**_ Don't forget that this is my body too! I can't be seen in a skirt, I'm a prince! Also try a low number, it always works!_

**_Greed:_**_ How's 'seven'?_

**_Ling:_**_ Great choice, its Xing's lucky number!_

"I'm gonna have to with….."

**_Ling:_**_ No, actually try number eight_

**_Greed:_**_ what happened to seven?_

**_Ling:_**_ Well, I can't seem to remember if 'seven' was a lucky number or bad luck_

**_Greed:_**_ Seriously?_

"Yes, you were going to go with…?" The colonel asked curiously, Greed snapped back to reality. "I'm going with…."

**_Greed:_**_ 'seven'_

**_Ling:_**_ 'eight'_

**_Greed:_**_ 'seven'_

**_Ling:_**_ 'eight'_

"I'm going with….**seventy eight!" **After realizing what he yelled out he cursed Ling for making him look like a fool, then mentally slapped himself for even listening to him in the first place!

"Alright, no need to shout," Mustang told him, "Yeah, whatever, I pick seventy eight," he mumbled quietly, the rest of the homunculi gave him a look that said he was mental. Envy leant against the door frame "Number eight" he uttered.

**Edwards POV**

I knew the colonel liked miniskirts but I didn't think he was so obsessed with them he'd even put one on a homunculus! Everyone was eager to hear the results…..

"Envy, congrats, you get the miniskirt," the colonel smirked as he held up a navy blue skirt. I watched Envy's pupils shrink into tiny beads as Greed laughed in the background, "Hahahaha, this is priceless!" Greed chuckled. Envy glared at him motioning for him to shut up! Envy marched up to the colonel and snatched the miniskirt out of his hands. Was I surprised? Not really, but I was relieved that it wasn't fuhrer Bradley or should I say 'Wrath.' To be honest I couldn't care less about Envy in a miniskirt, not just because it'll be fun to mock him, but because it's kind of what he wears anyway. "I'm pretty sure he wears shorts and a piece of black fabric wrapped around it." I mumbled to myself.

**Envy's POV**

I walked up to the colonel who was smiling

_I was so tempted to punch that face of his!_

I groaned as I snatched the dark blue skirt out of his hands. "You know Envy, this could have been a whole lot worse, I was about to bring the pink one. But that would be too precious to be used on a homunculus! So in the future don't come late." I stomped into a small changing room and closed the light green curtains.

I felt so angry; if I had a pillow I would scream into it, then hug and cry on it, then rip it to shreds! But nooooooooooooo, there were no pillows. But next time I see one…..I'll PRETEND IT'S HIS FACE! (Only with the rip it to shreds bit, of course)

I looked down at the skirt in my hands; my hands that were constantly shaking.

_It was just a skirt, right?...a tiny one. How bad could it possibly be?_

I held my breath as I slipped off my shorts and put the miniskirt on, I examined myself in the mirror….I didn't know how I could think like this…ever! But I actually enjoyed wearing it. Yes, it was short (too short) and embarrassing, but I enjoyed wearing it. But on the negative side I wouldn't be able to run, jump, leap, etc. not to mention the wind. A hard knock startled my thoughts, "Hey Envy, will you hurry up in there!" the colonel asked, "Yeah, yeah, don't rush me!" I snapped back.

Once again I held my breath

3…..2…..1…..

I swung the curtain open, everyone was staring at me, especially the annoyingly absorbent Mustang. I casually walked over to the couch and sat down next to wrath and randomly grabbed a magazine and began reading. I peered over the magazine as I flipped another page, but they were still looking at me. "What?" I asked hoping to break the awkward tension *No answer* "It's rude to stare!" I added, thankfully Gluttony broke the silence, "Envy…, why are you reading the magazine up-side down?"

…..actually I take that back

"S-so, I can read however way I want Gluttony!" I answered back quickly. _I can't believe I made a fool of myself, even without the stupid skirt!_

I looked up at Lust who cocked an eyebrow, I looked away; reading my upside down magazine.

**Normal POV**

Edward took a piece of chalk out of his pocket and began drawing a transmutation circle. "What are you doing?" Greed asked suspiciously. "You'll see" Ed replied smirking. Mustang gave the homunculi a straight look, "So…is anyone ready to confess" The homunculi all frowned, Pride stomped his foot on the ground "look, let's get something straight, none of us ditched you're stupid car into a swimming pool! And if you don't know who it is why tag all of us along? Do you seriously believe that I'm even capable of driving a car?" Everyone was shocked at Prides outburst, "And I'm not angry!" he added huffing. The colonel walked up to him, 'So….you want to wear the mini-skirt next, do you?" Pride gulped and hung his head. The answer was obvious; no one wanted to. But with that being brought up Envy decided it was a good opportunity to ask, "Hey, how long do I have to wear this?" He asked pretending to be annoyed. "Don't worry Envy it's only for one day."

Envy smiled and he looked relieved; so they thought. Envy got attached to it really quickly, not that he didn't like his normal wear or anything, he felt disappointed but he was quick to cover that up. Although he would never openly admit it.

Ed was soon finished with the transmutation circle, "Alright everyone hop in the circle!" Greed frowned, he didn't really trust what they were doing but he was okay with it since the colonel and the pipsqueak walked in to the transmutation circle too.

All the homunculi followed after the two humans; but it was kind of hard to fit everyone in the circle especially when the two largest homunculi Gluttony and Sloth jumped in. but they just managed to fit squishing one another. Ed knew he should have drawn a bigger one.

Fullmetal clapped his hands, blue flashes of light lit the room, Pride tried to escape the circle, but before that could happen Edward grabbed him by his collar "Oh no you don't, if I'm going you're coming too," The light got so bright it saturated the room into pure white; there being nothing but a large door. But that quick glance dissolved into a green forest.

"Where's the toll?" Wrath asked, Envy stared at the many pine trees in front of him in awe... "What? Where in Amestris are we? And why are we in a place like this? Is camping done in a forest?"

Everyone desperately wanted to roll their eyes….Envy, he needs to get out more!

Ed just couldn't take anymore of Envy, maybe there was something alchemically wrong with that small nut he calls a brain! Someone had to speak up to Envy's stupid brain and that person was amazingly Sloth "ENVY…..YOU CAN CAMP IN A FOREST OR IN THE DESSERT AND SOMETIMES ON TOP OF A MOUNTAIN."

Envy rubbed his chin, "Oh I get it! I bet you could camp in the sea too." Everyone wanted to face palm themselves" it was a miracle that Sloth could say something so out of the capability of his mind, but it still wasn't enough to give Envy an idea on camping.

"Here's you're equipment," The colonel announced to the non-human party. The homunculi looked at the baggage piled up at the bottom of the colonel's feet. Gluttony was the first to speak up, "What's in the bags? Oh, is it food?" Mustang just gave him a weird look. "Is that all you ever think about Gluttony?" The colonel moaned. As brainless as he was Gluttony answered that, "No, not all the time. I sometimes think about humans and animals and all the different ways you could roast, boil and perhaps chop them!" Everyone rolled their eyes; that was practically still thinking about food, just on how to cook it! But no one could be bothered to explain.

All Lust could do was sadly pat his head.

"Anyway, as I was saying before the conversation on food; these bags contain tents! So all you have to do is set them up." He said with sarcasm. Greed stared at the baggage. "Hang on…..there's seven of us homunculi….and only four bags!" He exclaimed out loud. The colonel rubbed the back of his head in a laughing manner, "Oops, I forgot to mention; you'll all be in pairs sharing a tent! But since you homunculi are an odd number of seven….one of you will have a tent to yourselves."

"I have dibs on the single tent!" Pride yelled out, Mustang smiled out of amusement, "So sorry Pride; but that's Lust's tent." Pride sniffed "But whyyyyyyy?" he whined in Selim's childish voice, Wrath smirked at his disappointment. "Hmmmm, why do you think Lust gets her own tent? What do you think makes her different from the rest of you?" He asked Pride, "Um….., she has long hair….?" Ed sighed, "Close; she's a female Pride," Pride cocked his head sidewards, "So, what makes her so special just because she's a female? Why does she get her own tent?" he asked pouting, "What does she have that I don't?" he asked innocently.

Ed tried to answer that as carefully as possible, but he wanted to start off by asking him a question. "Hey, um; Selim?" Pride glanced up at Edward, "yes?" He answered. Ed gulped, "Ah, has anyone ever given you the talk?" Everything and everyone grew silent…

"I-I don't think so," he replied. Edward tried to choose his words carefully as they came. "We'll, f-females have…" But he just couldn't bring himself to say it. In fact he started blushing and looked away from the others. Pride began to crack up. "Hahahahahaa, you should see you're faces! Did you really believe me to be so stupid as to not know the difference between two genders?" He laughed. The other homunculi followed along in a not so convincing laugh. In truth, they now knew for certain that Pride was a good actor. Ed glared at him for pulling that off, Pride ignored his facial expression, "So colonel Mustang, you were saying?" He asked wanting him to continue. Mustang was about to begin but Fullmetal cut him off, "Hang on a second Pride; don't change the subject, don't think you're gonna get out of this!" Fullmetal yelled pointing at him, "Pretending to be innocent and pulling off a dirty minded joke is a crime!" Ed accused. Pride frowned, "You think I'm dirty minded?" He asked suspiciously, Ed rapidly shook his head "Wha-? I never said that, I said the joke was dirty minded!" Pride scoffed, "We'll it sure sounded like you were accusing me of being dirty minded."

Luckily before it turned into another argument a military car pulled up.

The homunculi were a little confused. "Oh, hell!" Envy yelled out, "Please don't be Armstrong! I ran into him a couple of times while shape shifting into people from Mustangs unit," a cold filling ran up Envy's spine. Seeing Envy's reaction the other homunculi gulped. The colonel hearing this grinned, he knew who was in the car, but Armstrong could be a future reference!

However his grin immediately dropped as he saw the car's door swing open revealing his subordinate 'Riza Hawkeye.' Greed, Envy, Fullmetal and Lust stared wide-eyed at the lieutenant. Wrath and Pride already knew about this, but Gluttony and Sloth couldn't have cared less. We'll actually Gluttony was drooling and was about to ask 'can I eat her?' but after seeing the guns on her and remembering on how she shot him, he decided to starve himself for the time being.

"Good-morning lieutenant, isn't it a lovely day to go camping?" Wrath asked, "This was my day off but the colonel asked me to assist him. I was about to say no, but when I heard you lot were involved I decided to tag along." She glared at Pride amongst the crowd of homunculi and smirked, "Why hello, Selim Bradley." Pride frowned, "Hello, lieutenant," He said with an evil look on his face, "Wrath and I have been expecting you." He told, Envy took a glance at Pride and Wrath, "Hey, you guys knew about this all along?" The two nodded, Envy growled. Pride continued to talk to Riza, "I can't wait to see what you have installed for us," he mocked, Pride couldn't figure out why the Lieutenant had a smirk on her face but it was annoying him. "Now that you've mentioned that, I have a little friend for you to play with…Pride."

Pride scoffed, _what did she mean by friend?_

A little creature with four paws jumped out of the car wagging its tail. "Black HAYATE!" Pride screeched out, "Why wasn't I told about this?" The colonel and Ed laughed, "What's the matter Pride? You're not afraid of dogs by any chance are you?" Ed mocked taking advantage over the situation. Pride glared at them, he wasn't afraid of dogs; only that one! Once Black hayate spotted Pride he began to growl chasing him, Pride ran for his life but bumped into Edward by mistake. "Edward Elric, pick me up," he cried out, Ed just laughed, "Why would I want to pick up a dirty minded little brat like you?" Pride winced. He knew that joke would have its consequences sooner or later. Pride turned around to see where black hayate was, he was actually pretty close, and Pride thought he had already lost him in the bushes, but I guess he was wrong.

"I'll do anything!" He begged. "Anything?" Ed asked, Pride nodded, "**Just hurry, that stupid dog is gaining up speed!**" Ed chuckled, "Get on one knee," Pride did as he was told, "Now say: I'm a dirty minded child, who makes sick jokes!" Pride didn't say it. "**I rather die!**" He yelled. Ed pouted, "We'll that's fine with me, in fact here comes the cute doggie now!" Ed said pointing to the dog running up a slope. Pride screamed as Black hayate jumped on him and licked him all over, "**S-stop…ha-ha that tickles!**" Pride squealed in his metallic voice. Everyone expected the lieutenant's dog to bite him or something, but this was just weird! "**Someone, hahahahahaa, get-ahaha-it off me!**"

No one did, everyone watched in amusement as the eldest of the homunculi got taken down by a dog and squealed on the ground like a girl. However once they watched enough of this Hawkeye called back Hayate. Once that was all over Pride laid exhausted on the ground covered in dog slobber and breathing shallowly as the others talked about tents.

"Lieutenant?" The colonel asked getting her attention, "yes, sir?" She asked. "You brought your own tent right?" She shook her head, "You didn't mention anything to me about tents, so I assumed you were providing them." The colonel rubbed his chin, "How about you Fullmetal?" Ed who was patting the dog looked up. "Oh, yeah, I brought my own."

"Hmmmm, looks like you'll have to share a tent with me lieutenant!" he exclaimed happily. Ed knew that the colonel probably planned that out, so he decided to change things, "Um, what about Lust's tent, there both females so…..I figured they could share one" Mustang froze… "Oh yes, of course." He replied blushing, still kind of upset that his plan wasn't completely fool proof. When Roy wasn't looking Ed smirked and mumbled a 'you can't slack off when you're on duty…..colonel.'

Without further notice Mustang gathered up the homunculi, "Alright, to determine who's with whom I've put the rest of your names in this bag, so pull one out!" Greed stepped forward and put his hand into the bag and took out a piece of paper, "Gluttony!" Greed read aloud, Gluttony smiled and randomly ran up to him took the piece of paper out of his hand and swallowed it. Greed gave him a skeptical look, but Gluttony couldn't have cared less. Next Pride walked up and pulled one out, "ahaha, I got myself does that mean I get a tent of my own?" Roy cocked an eyebrow, "fine, I'll put it back," Pride mumbled, as he did, he also picked up another one and unfolded it…. "Really? Sloth?" he groaned. "So I'm guessing I'm with Wrath?" Envy asked, Mustang nodded.

"By the way, when you set up the tents let's make it a race, I just want to see who's faster." Pride's hand flew up like he was in class or something, "um….we'll, I have Sloth and…he's kind of too big to fit in a tent, won't he have to sleep outside?" he asked in Selim's voice. "I suppose so, after all I'm pretty sure he can sleep anywhere." Pride nodded, "So does that mean…..I GET A TENT OF MY OWN?" The colonel sighed, "I guess it does." Pride again squealed in Selim's voice.

As the three humans lounged around, the homunculi got started on their tents.

"Gluttony! Don't eat that!" Greed raged out. "But I'm hungry!" The two began to argue about what was edible and what wasn't. Envy rubbed his hands together, if he couldn't win this, no one could. He and Wrath agreed that they should go and sabotage Pride's tent just because they wanted a little fun. Pride was almost done but every time he put a tent peg down and moved to the other side it miraculously came out of the ground. As he was about to catch who was doing it he turned a corner and found Black hayate staring at him. "Shoot!" Pride said while running off. Red sparks went around the dog turning back into Envy, "man that was way too easy." He laughed.

"Hahahaha," Envy laughed, "Finally I'm done and also before all of you guys, ha!"

The colonel smiled "Good now set mine up." Envy froze, "Wha-?"

* * *

**Yes, it was Envy who got it…..why? Well I asked my friend who she thinks should get the miniskirt and she said Envy because….she thought it would ruin her mind if it was on Greed *Shrug***

**Sometimes a friend and I role play as one of the homunculi, but one day while I was waiting outside a fish and chip shop….she called me 'older brother' (I guess you know who I was role playing as, we've been doing this since the beginning of the year)**

**And everybody gave me weird looks. And if you're reading this right now (friend), let me remind you not to call me that in a public! Hehehehe, outsiders will never understand, sometimes it's as if we speak another language. Seriously but.**

**Whoever posts a review gets a free picture of Envy in a mini-skirt! No, wait, the wind blew that away, Hahahaha. *scratches back of head***


	4. Chapter 4

**Yes, please excuse my punctuation and grammar! For some reason I've always thought that one day my English teacher will find out my pen name and looks me up on fanfiction. HA! Not that that would ever happen, but that was just a thought. But if that did happen I could imagine her giving me a lecture in a review, lol. My English teacher isn't totally strict with grammar, she's pretty nice. ****And**** I'm not just saying that in case that does somehow happen. But first off she would start telling me about how the word: 'and' shouldn't be used at the beginning of a sentence, the one I underlined! **

** Hahahaha, I thought of the weirdest thing last night. You see I was (for some reason) imagining that I was dating Fullmetal, but I knew it would never work out because I love milk!**

** Anyway, I babble too much! Here's chapter four, enjoy J **

** I do not own Fullmetal alchemist or Fullmetal alchemist brotherhood ~ If I did I would have spared a few of the homunculi!**

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** Chapter 4**

**Promises and betrayal **

** Envy's POV**

My eye twitched…..

I had to make that bastards tent

"Where does this pole go again?" I asked myself frustrated that I forgot so quickly. The stupid Colonel must be playing around with me, I bet he is! He's making me do all this hard work just so he can annoy me! But for now I'm just going to do as he says, but when the time comes I'll be the one serving out the punishments; not him!

I felt exhausted, all the other homunculi were done and hell even the Fullmetal pipsqueak had finished, but I had to admit his tent looked pretty good compared to ours. I felt like screaming into that pillow! I still didn't have one. I felt hot, the sky may have been cloudy and that was better than a blazing sun on an Amestris day but that didn't change the fact that I was still trying to set up the colonels tent! I felt like giving up so much! But I knew the idiot would never let me; not until I'm done.

After I finished the bastard's tent! I went to join the others who were having morning tea, usually we homunculi would eat humans, blood, liver, etc. But today was different, no actually; as long as we were camping, things were going to be different.

I collapsed onto a camping chair as the others ate, despite Gluttony I watched them elegantly eat biscuits and sip tea out of their cute little tea cups….it made me sick! Come on! We were homunculi not humans playing tea party! But I was way too exhausted to say anything. Wrath smiled at me, "I see you've finally finished Colonels Mustang's tent. Envy you look exhausted, why not have some tea with us?" He said inviting me to do so. I scoffed, "Sorry princess, but I don't want to sit around sipping on little tea cups like the rest of you." I said (I felt like Greed saying the princess part)

Greed looked at me, "Wow, don't go blowing you're fuse on us just because you've had a bad day." He chuckled, "Come on Envy the jealous, join us, I know you want some." I scowled, "Never, if you little girls want to sit around and drink some tea be my guest! I'd rather drink alcohol!"

"Is that a challenge?" Wrath asked, I smirked, "Maybe it is." I replied.

The next thing I knew, I was having a competition to see who could skull down the most beer against Wrath.

I didn't drink a lot, and I felt like puking, so no…..I didn't get drunk. Neither did Wrath though, it seemed he knew how to control the things he consumes. I have no idea how he didn't get drunk, he drank down seven bottles! I could only handle two. I mean, Greed can't get drunk, not that I've seen him drunk anyways. When we threw a party while Wrath was away Greed drank like eight bottles of alcohol and still didn't act weird or seem dizzy; the advantages of being a homunculus. But sadly those advantages didn't work on me!

I needed the bathroom…_urgently!_

So holding my gut, I went to ask the stupid colonel where the toilet was. I moaned clutching my stomach, _what da hell was in that_ _drink? _Yes, it was beer, but still I swear he put something else in them. It felt like I was going to burst!

I swear the next time I see Wrath…, hang on, how many enemies have I made?

Greed, the Fullmetal pipsqueak, and now Wrath…, dam it, if I'm gonna get through with the colonel's little game, I'm going to have to side with someone. So I can't afford to have any enemies, pretending to be friends with someone could work…, no way, that's way too nice! I was thinking more of an alliance, perfect!

But I'll need to perform it quickly before Roy Mustang makes us do something stupid, which we all know he's going to do. As I reached his tent I tried to stand up straight, so it didn't look like I needed it too badly! He came out. "Envy, what you are doing here," out of fear that my bowl was going to burst I got right to the point,

"Where's the stupid bathroom?"

"Envy, if you're going to ask like that, I'm going to have to point over to those bushes over there." He told seriously. I gave him a dull look, "Can you tell me where the bathroom is human? The colonel rolled his eyes, "It's over there, and it seems Full metal's already transmuted it!"

"Yeah, whatever, thanks." I said walking over to the bathroom in the distance. When I thought he was out of my sight, I ran towards it. As I entered the bathroom, I saw showers on one side and toilet cubicles on the other. Already knowing which one I wanted I ran into the toilet door almost killing myself.

** Wraths POV**

Edward Elric ran up to me "Can I help you Fullmetal?"

"I can't seem to find Envy, he was setting the colonels tent up but now he's gone!"

"Ah, I think I have an idea on where he might be, the bathroom." I told him calmly.

The young boy ran off, not even saying even a small 'thank-you.'

_*3 mins later *_

After washing my hands, etc.

I walked out stretching my arms. The Fullmetal pipsqueak was at the entrance staring at me, I gave him a dull look, "what?' He burst into laughter, I put my hands on my hips, "What's so funny shorty?" I could tell he was angry at me for calling him short, but he still couldn't stop laughing. "Hahahahahaa, Envy, you Hahahaha, you may want to check the sign next time!" He said just able to control his laughter, "What sign?" he pointed behind me, I turned around; after realizing my mistake my face turned red!

No…., I couldn't have.

"HA! That's right, little Envy went into the female's bathroom!" he mocked.

At my shock and visible blush, the damn idiot couldn't stop laughing. I tried hiding my face by folding my arms and turning around. But that didn't help the laughing maniac in the background, how could I…..miss something like that?

"Looks like you really needed to go, if you missed that!" Fullmetal taunted.

**Normal POV**

Envy marched back to the main camp site, Ed following behind, "You better not tell anyone about this or I'll-" Ed ran upside him, "Or what?" he asked.

Envy smiled, he's blush finally wearing off as he did, "I'll tell everyone that you kissed Winery in a closet back in central command!" Ed stopped in his tracks and pointed a finger at Envy, "H-how the hell did you know about that?" He asked yelling and blushing at the same time. Envy turned around, "Hahahaha, you kissed that girly friend of yours pipsqueak, ahaha. It's great to know that you finally got up the courage to get busy!" Envy laughed. Ed's eye twitched, "Wait, are you telling me you didn't know?"

"That's right."

"Okay, I propose a deal, if you don't tell about what Winery and I did, I promise not to tell about your mistake back there, do we have a deal?" Envy nodded. "But you better keep your promise, otherwise I'll be putting it in the local newspaper when we get back." The two walked back to the others who were just randomly talking. They faces were flushed; being reminded of what they both didn't want anyone to know.

But hey! It was going to get loose one way or another, right?

*That night *

Fullmetal was walking past an under covered area covered in tent material as he was carrying fire wood, the colonel wanted him to bring it right away.

But Ed listened in on the conversation…..

The homunculi were gossiping about something, but what? He knew eavesdropping wasn't nice but they were the homunculi. He heard laughs and whispering and not to mention snickering (that rhymes)

"Can you believe they actually smooched in a cupboard?"

His eyes shot wide open, that damn idiot didn't keep his promise!

Then he heard Lust speak, "If I was them, I would have made out on the bed instead." She laughed.

Revenge was in his mind, but no not in telling about Envy's story about the girl's bathroom. Something much more worse…he had something in particular in mind.

** Edwards POV**

It was around twelve o'clock at night…., the perfect time.

As I slipped out of my tent, not wanting to disturb any of the homunculi I tried to zip it up quietly. I seriously didn't want to wake up any of the homunculi, but I didn't want to disturb one in particular; Sloth I didn't have to really care about; he slept like a baby! Gluttony would be too busy dreaming about food, Lust…well she likes her beauty sleep, Greed…, I don't know what he would do. Then there's Wrath, and I don't think he couldn't have cared less on what I was about to do to Envy! After all he might find it amusing. Then there was Hawkeye and the Colonel, well I guess the lieutenant would have been alarmed and come out with a rifle or something! But then the Colonel would…..he would…... say: 'Fullmetal, what are you doing up so early?' Yeah, something along those lines.

But the homunculus I didn't want to disturb was Pride; while over hearing some of the other homunculi talking about waking Pride up on the couch back in Central command…it didn't seem pretty! So I wanted to avoid him at all costs. But as I crept out of the tent and my bare feet touched the grass filled with leaves or whatever, I realized there was a bit of a problem…., I didn't exactly know what tent Envy was in.

I was just gonna have to pick a random tent and take a quick look inside!

So I randomly thought the first tent was a good place to start.

"Please don't be Prides tent!" I whispered under my breath. I slowly unzipped the tent and peered around the tents fabric material, what a sorry excuse for a door! I thought to myself, however I couldn't see a thing in the tents darkness, so I took the risk of shedding some light into it. I stretched out my hand with the lantern in it and sure enough this person was sharing a tent, thank goodness, no Pride here! I sighed out of relief, I stretched the lantern in even further and the light glommed over a sleeping Lust and Hawkeye. I frowned, no Pride here but no Envy either! Then I realized I shouldn't really be in a ladies tent, so I was about to leave but then I took a glance at them. Hawkeye was sleeping with her hand under her pillow, I shivered, and she must have a gun under there; just in case Lust wasn't trust worthy to share a tent with. Then my attention was drawn to the only female homunculus. I hated to admit this but she looked pretty even when she sleeping! For some reason I couldn't lay my eyes off here soft delicate skin (you should know by now that any homunculus is not fragile or delicate) and her raven hair, I shook my head and started heading outside. Repeating my procedure I zipped up the tent as quietly as I could and tried to pick another one.

Randomly, I sang my decision in my head.

**_Eeny, meena, mina, mo,_**

**_Catch a homunculus by the stone;_**

**_If it regenerates let it go,_**

**_Eena, meena, mina, mo_**

I smiled as I pointed to the third tent. But then a cold shiver ran up my spinal cord, PLEASE DON'T BE PRIDES TENT! I moaned, wincing at the thought.

As I silently walked closer to my chosen tent, I stepped on a twig and pulled a face that indicated I didn't want to be heard. But somehow I scared myself doing that and jolted backwards tripped over a stupid log. All I said was "OWWW! " but quickly slammed my hand onto my mouth as my other hand grabbed my chest, something didn't feel right…., I slowly got up and held the lantern up to my chest and discovered it bleeding. It wasn't a major injury nor a minor one, but it scared me enough to almost drop my source of light. I would have called it more of a wound than anything else. As I clutched my left ribcage I proceeded to the third tent, I wouldn't give up on my plan so soon, I had come too far to give up now. I hadn't even gotten to the good part!

I snuck in…..I was surprised that the homunculi had pajamas, were they trying to fit in? I mean knowing them, I thought they would sleep in their clothes. Hang on….do the homunculi even sleep? I shook those thoughts out of my head. This was the tent I had been looking for, Envy was peacefully asleep on his back, I watched him toss and turn, he must be in a nightmare or something, and do homunculi even dream? I'm going to have to ask one of them later. Envy's blanket was only up to his knees, a small breeze flew into the tent, as he shivered and pulled the sheet up to his shoulders.

I grabbed a small bucket outside their tent and poured hot water from a nearby kettle Wrath had brought along (he likes his tea) as I poured it in I was careful to not burn myself. I took my index finger and dipped it into the bucket. Wow, way too hot! Anyone would wake up if their whole hand was going to be placed in it, not so sure about Sloth though. Taking the bucket I quickly ran down to the nearby stream, I bent down and placed my hands into the cold water and scooped it up into the bucket, after repeating my process a few times I checked to make sure it felt warm enough. I nodded an approval to the bucket, but before I could take it back, I heard something slam into a tree over and over again. My curiosity got the better of me and I started heading towards the noise, "Gluttony?" he didn't reply, I think he was sleep walking!

"I'm hungry, why won't you let me eat you?" he yelled at the tree, he just kept hitting himself into the tree repetitively. Okay, that's a little weird, I wonder how long until he hits over the tree, I chuckled to myself. Gluttony sniffed the air, "I smell someone tasty!" I panicked, Gluttony wouldn't eat me would he? I slapped myself, of course he would his Gluttony. I left the bucket at the stream and ran for my life, Gluttony started chasing after me. Screw this! Eventually I jumped into the river to hide my scent. "Where did he go?" Gluttony asked himself, how could he sleep walk and think of food at the same time, how does sleep walking even work? I sighed as Gluttony went back to hitting trees. I crept out of the creek; grabbing the bucket I ran off back to Envy's tent.

I was now in my targets tent without the bucket of water, I was just trying to get a good idea on how I was going to do this without actually waking up the homunculus. I heard an owl hoot, it took me by surprise and I slipped and landed on something. I laid there for around ten seconds, I snuggled into the unknown object a little out of pure sleepiness. What was with me and being clumsy this week? I asked myself as I tried to get up, the moon light shone on me shedding light, it also did on the object I just slipped on, it took me some time to understand what I just fell on….._Wrath. _

I stood there for two minutes in utter shock, and to think I actually laid on him for a while!

Why did it have to be Wrath, I mean I rather have it? I thought it was a pillow with books underneath it or something! A shiver ran up my spine, as I thought about King Bradley blowing me kisses. I felt sick! I wanted to go drown myself back at the stream or even get eaten by Gluttony, how could I even think like that?

I got the small bucket and pulled the sheets off him, luckily he didn't seem to notice the coldness without it. I noticed one hand was on his gut…., I smiled. I hope he drank a lot of water before he went to bed. I was careful in grabbing his other hand that laid silently on the pillow. As I did this, I noticed that his hand was surprisingly soft…for a homunculus anyway. I lead his hand into the warm water, I noticed the immediate effect afterwards. After watching the show, I smiled trying not to laugh and snuck out again making sure to take the bucket with me.

**Envy's POV**

I need the bathroom…

No, not again! It was outside I didn't want to get up. My gut felt burdened by the heaviness of fluids. I was sooooo tired, I didn't want to go, not now; I was having a peaceful sleep once in my life. I groaned a little as I twisted and turned in my sleeping bag, the pain…..was awful. Okay maybe not extreme pain; more of a bloating pain down in my gut. I felt the heat of the sleeping bag get to me, so I sub-consciously slipped my body off it.

I grabbed a hold of my stomach, I wanted to pee so badly! It seemed the effects of drinking beer didn't wear off as quickly as I thought it would. I hated myself so much for accepting that challenge! I really should have shut my trap, but I couldn't stand watching them eat and drink like everything was fine, but no it wasn't because we were on a camping trip because a stupid car got flooded in a swimming pool! I moaned again as I felt my urine get heavier. It got so heavy it felt numb, a small breeze hit my body and chilled me; I felt for the blanket and pulled it up.

It felt wet, but it felt good. I had this sudden dream of going to the bathroom, I couldn't tell if I was actually dreaming or not….but I wanted to let everything go. So gave into the tempting wet feeling on my fingers and leaked, it felt like the wet feeling on my hand was calling out to me anyway. I trusted that voice.

_Envy….let go. Everything's going to be okay if you do this, no more shifting sleeping positions or having that heavy burden in your bowl._

It felt so good to just let the fluid rush out of me, I felt my waist and the upper part of my legs getting saturated as I did. There was nothing wrong in doing so, after all it was just a relieving dream or was I actually in the bathroom….I didn't know.

I couldn't have cared less!

**Prides POV**

*Early morning*

I can't sleep….

And I didn't sleep a wink all night, I hated to admit it but I wanted Mrs Bradley to tuck me in. Maybe I should have shared a tent instead, it feels kind of….lonely. I thought as I snuggled into my bed sheets.

*4:00 am*

I was changed and ready for the day, I rubbed my eyes as I walked up to a little under covered area. As I approached it I smelt something unfamiliar…

But I casted that off to the back of my mind and concentrated on the figure in front of me, as I rubbed my tired eyes. I yawned and the figure was aware that I was here, "You're the last one I expected to see up so early." The figure said to me, that voice was familiar….. "Colonel Roy Mustang?" I asked in Selim's voice, still trying to focus my eyes. "Yes, it's me."

"**What are you doing?**" I asked again but in my actual voice.

"I'm making breakfast."

I sat down in a camping chair still tired, but eventually…things got boring. I wanted something fun to do!

-Bradley family mansion-

** Normal POV**

Mrs Bradley had been searching for her husband and her adopted son, but so far no luck. Perhaps King had taken Selim on a trip to Central command, after all it was the school holidays. "I hope there having a good time," she said to herself happily.

"But I don't want to eat that, I want pancakes for breakfast!" Selim whined tugging on the colonel's military uniform. The colonel gave him a dark look, but Pride still nagged him even further. He's plan was working…, he loved annoying people especially grown-ups! "I don't want to eat that, it looks yucky!" He whined again. Roy was getting…..annoyed, he never knew that one homunculus could be a handful. He knew Pride was trying to piss him off, and so far it was working, but he could use that to his advantage! As Selim kept whining and nagging him over and over again, a small smirk made its way onto the colonel's strict face. Pride stopped for a second…..he didn't like that smile, it was like the one Riza Hawkeye gave to him before releasing Black hayate. He had this bad feeling that grew in his stomach as the smile grew into a smirk, at that moment he knew he had to get away. He let go of Roy's uniform, "I want to see if the others have woken up," He said smiling trying to change the subject. But it was way too obvious to Roy. Before Pride could escape his clutches the Colonel asked him a question, "How do you know you don't like porridge if you haven't tried it….Selim Bradley?" He asked kindly. Pride gulped, what the hell was he planning? He asked himself a little scared, but not scared enough to admit it. He struggled to find his words. "We'll….I-I have tried it before," he replied, "But I didn't like the taste," he added folding his arms. Roy bent down and patted his head, Pride was freaking out by now, "So Selim, what does porridge taste like?" Pride froze, he's had all sorts of fancy food….but not porridge! He began to sweat and thought about its unknown taste. "I-It…tastes like…... mashed potatoes." He answered shyly. The colonel shook his head, "You haven't tasted it have you?" he cocked an eyebrow. Pride attempted to run away, but Roy just managed to grab him by his collar, Mustang picked the small child up and threw him over his shoulders. Pride began kicking and banging on his back wanting to be let loose. Selim Bradley couldn't take it anymore and used his real voice, "**Wha-what are you going to do?** **I demand you to put me down you pathetic human!**" he cried out in fear. Pride attempted to attack him with his shadows, but realized his powers wouldn't work since the sun hadn't risen yet, well it had but the mountains were blocking its ray and it was too cloudy. Pride did nothing but laid limp over his shoulder, there was no use of struggling. He was the flame alchemist! The only way he could survive was …., by the colonel's mercy. He didn't like the idea of someone giving him mercy, it felt disgusting; especially if the person giving it to him was a human!

The colonel took him off his shoulder and pushed him onto a chair, he tied him up with extra rope from the tent pegs. Pride tried to remain calm with his current position, he's pride wouldn't let him do anything else.

_Whatever happens, I cannot squirm…, _He told himself, if he did that it would make him look like a fool.

He had never hated the dark this much before, "**Where's the light when I need it!**" He angrily mumbled to himself. The colonel had a pored a bowl of porridge from the stove and once again kneeled down so that he was at eye level with the homunculus, Pride asked again, "**What, do you think you're doing?**" He asked looking down at the ropes he was bound in, he frowned at them even though he knew they wouldn't move at his order. "I'm teaching you to try food before you insult it," Roy mocked. Some sweat fell from Prides forehead, the colonel noticed this. "Don't worry, this won't hurt too much," He told as he picked up the spoon and scooped up some of the gloopy porridge. "**That didn't answer my question, what are you going to do to me? You pathet-"** Pride was cut off as a silver spoon with porridge being shoved into his mouth, the colonel smiled as he stirred the spoon around in his mouth. Pride jolted at the sudden movement, "Pride the arrogant, do you ever shut up?" The colonel asked laughing. _Don't squirm_….He repeatedly told himself. Roy smiled at his wide opened eyes, it looked like he was going to faint.

He felt dizzy, he want to pass out! His pride can't take this much longer. But it got worse, the colonel began treating him like a baby. "Neeeewwwww, here comes the airplane!"

"**You wouldn't dare!**"

"Oh, yes I would, now baby Selim open your mouth for daddy." Roy sung. "**Don't call me that!**" He yelled as another spoon full of porridge was forced down his throat.

Prides pupils shrank as he gulped down another spoon of porridge. He wanted to cry so badly! "Oh, is little Selim crying?" He asked amused at his reaction. Pride couldn't take this anymore and if he didn't get out of this he would start to freak out; big time!

* * *

**Yes, I'm sorry, too much Pride in this one, but I had to do something, I couldn't contain it any longer! **

**Actually believe it or not I enjoyed writing this chapter….no not because there was a lot of Pride in it Roxy, Gaby, Sonya. It was because of Envy wetting his pants, yeah, I made Ed trip over a log and bleed a little so in the future Envy would know who was in his tent….oops spoiler! I was laughing the whole way, seriously 'not so human' funny idea, I was actually considering something along those lines. Edward falls on King Bradley, lol. If there was yaoi in here, I would feel so grossed out! But no I'm never going to do that, sorry for those who like yaoi! To be honest I think yaoi is cute, but I try not to get adapt to it. I flipped out while watching lucky star (I don't always watch it, it's just to pass time) I saw two people cosplay as Ed and Roy! I felt like screaming. **

**So I wonder what will happen when Envy gets up in the morning…**


End file.
